A mean and hurtful Alzheimers parent

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Katemom

My mom was diagnosed with alzheimer's several years ago and begun on medication. She did ok and the progression was slow.About a year and a half ago, she had other health concerns and we had to stop all medications. Last spring, she asked me and my family to move in with her. We sold our house and moved 2 teenagers, 2 cats and me and my husband into her home. She was willing to allow us to change the bedrooms for the kids, and make the living room into our bedroom so she could keep her master bedroom. She said whatever it took, she was afraid to stay alone anymore. She has never admited to her diagnosis, and adamantly denies it. Now that we have sold a lot of our possessions and moved in, she is very possessive. She won't give up things that haven't been used in 50 years, but we have to get rid of a lot. After moving in, she changed her mind about changing things. The kids rooms couldn't be changed, painted, pictures or posters hung, etc, without major arguements. Now, the only thing I hear is how their rooms arent clean and why don't i do something about it. I am so tired. Their rooms are fine, they are a little cluttered, but are clean. She won't give us closet space for storage so we still have things sitting around in our bedroom, because there is nowhere to put it. We've learned to just walk around it, and its really not that bad. Yet she complains about our rooom, too. We now lock it every day. She was always a neat freak, and spent my childhood cleaning all the time. My father is the one that spent time with me. I was a single mom for a long time and had to do things differently and I put my children before housework. We want to paint my 15 year old's room a different color than white, and hang pictures, but she won't allow it. The house is in my name, and whenever we try to do something, she says I just want her house, and her money, and she'll just find somewhere else to live and get out of my way. She always starts arguments in the morning before I have to leave for work and she starts crying. Then she tells my husband about it, then my 20 year old son, about how mean I am. She makes us feel like it is definetly her house, and we are here to serve her. I feel guilty when I get upset with her, but I can't help it. We moved here instead of moving her to us because this is the family home and the house was larger than ours, and more easily adaptable. She tells me how wonderful my brother is because he's always outside working at his house. Of course, he's the one who wanted me here, and his kids are grown and gone. I guess I am just really frustrated and tired of being the bad guy. She can be so hurtful in what she says to me, and when she tells her friends about how mean I am. We cook and clean for her, do her laundry, fix her medicines, take her to her doctors appointments, and to her hair salon every week. All I do in my free time, is take her or my 15 year old somewhere. I also work full time. When I get home, I am tired. She wants me to be perfect, but I am not. I am just feeling so alone right now. She used to be fun to be around, and now she's hateful all the time. You have to watch what you say, or she takes it wrong. I don't know what I am asking from this, but I just need someone to say they understand, and maybe I am not the only one who's parent is so mean to them. I do care what people say about me, and it really bothers me that they think I moved here to get her stuff. We don't talk about the alzheimers, so most of her friends don't know the real story.

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