Dealing with dementia

Standard.net
By BECKY WRIGHT
Standard-Examiner staff
bwright@standard.net

Telling the truth may not be as important as giving comfort to loved one

When Judy Butler's mother-in-law asked if her husband was dead, Butler did what she felt she had to do.

"I would lie to her, straight out. I'd look her in the face and lie," said the Layton woman.

Butler's father-in-law has been dead for about 23 years, but for the past three years, her mother-in-law hasn't been able to remember.

It's one of the many ways dementia victims can lose touch with reality. Forgetting names and faces, seeing people and things that aren't there, and mentally traveling back in time are common.

When a loved one loses touch with reality, it leaves family members wondering how best to handle the situation.

"I really struggled with what thing works best. ... Was it more comforting for me to play along, or struggle to bring her to reality?" said Nikki Lovell of Ogden, whose mother sometimes suffered from hallucinations in her final years.

Lovell tried sticking with reality, and that was fine with her mom. "She'd say, 'I know you can't see these fairies, but they're really beautiful,' " Lovell recalled.

It was different with her mother-in-law.

"My mother-in-law saw people on the mountains, and would drag me to the window to look," she said. "If I said, 'I can't see any,' she'd get so angry with me -- like I was trying to sabotage her and make her feel crazy."

After a few experiences, Lovell began questioning whether she needed to tell her mother-in-law the truth.

"The people who played along with her made her life easier," she said.......read the whole article

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